Nat Soh can't afford love!

2012-01-10T23:02:00.002+08:00

It's called the quiet game.
After all what I've said in the afternoon, it seems like it doesn't touch you.
Having all these feelings breaking my emotions apart.
I started talking to you. But now, you keep so quiet.
I lied on yr shoulder, did you feel anything?
My reason for tonight is to be there for you and that hope we can make things alright again.
I don't know if you really want me to accom you. But I did.
I am counting down. 6

2012-01-10T10:44:00.002+08:00

Waking up to know that you'd be leaving me alone. Afterall, there isn't someone who can protect me and make me feel safe?
Well, I shouldn't have layed on you so much in the first place. I should continue and be that strong women you all see.
Why so much tears from ytd? Were they anything? What was the "right next to you" thing about?
Silly me. Doing so many things I've never did and trying to cheer u up.
Give you cards
Make breakfast
Watch you sleep
Pack yr bed
Fold hearts
Naggin at you to do rj?
Maybe I'm just not good enough to make you happy.
Im sorry I loved you so much that I am doing this.

2012-01-09T03:44:00.004+08:00

Its all about you.

I couldnt slp this night.

I recalled how we fell in love and what made us to far.

The cards, presents, meals tgt, outings, the you and I.

2011-11-29T18:22:00.002+08:00

I'm impressed you can still ask why I didn't even look at you.
So you think every time you hurt me and the next day I'd forget it?
So you think just becox you are a mother you can hurt me like this?
Who exactly are you?! Can you stop? Stop doing this to me! I rather you leave me alone.
Why did you give birth to me and now hurt me so bad?
I could have been a cheerful and wonderful child, who grows up to be someone powerful.
Why must I have such a background?
I quit you.
I don't need you. You won't change

2011-11-28T20:27:00.000+08:00

I would never forgive you. You made me died many times
You made me insane, I'm now infested with hurt. I feel hatred yet fear.
1st suicide:" I slit my fucking pretty wrist and arms with yr scissors"
2nd suicide:" sat on the balcony and holding yr meat knife"
3rd suicide:" bang my head on the wall till my lips bleed and consume 1bottle of cough syrup with 10 panadols"
4th suicide:" ate 8 panadols and half bottle cough syrup"
How many more times do you wanna play with my life? A 13yr old kid can suicide till she's 19!
What the fuck have you done to her?
How do you want her to forgive you when you hurt her so fuckjng deep?!
What exactly have you done!?

2011-11-21T23:01:00.002+08:00

NatSoh, I depise you muchly. Why don't you push yrself to yr limits?!
You used to be a strong powerful dominant women. You were a leader, what happen now?
You seem so lazy, taking yr parents money and yet working so many part time jobs previously.
If you wanna earn much money, be prepared to sacrifice yr time!

2011-11-21T22:50:00.002+08:00

I could work hard and be rich starting from now. But what have I not dared?
If I could, I would try.
But i am not ready to do dry sales.
Things will not remain the same if I choose to work this path I know.
Everything will change, and events may no longer be my strong point.
If I can make a wish, it would only be, let me have happiness as well as wealth and a happy family:/

2011-11-10T00:04:00.002+08:00

ALL FAT AND DISGUSTING

Today was a wasted day. i guess im not ready to step into society yet. weighing so many things at a go may topple me anytime. sigh. studies yet confident and how can i strive outside? no?

well, some says strive when one's young but the amount of things i have in hand, i have to balance them.

Studies is my priority, my family domestic affairs, rls, work?

there is no impossible but i only have 24hr a day. besides, im such a solo rider.

i need to spend time for myself alone so that i don't suffocate and die.

working on my figure and comprimise my attitude, further less savings.

such worries gave me sleep disturbances. so much from events to sales. im still sticking to events. i love the organising, planning, and i do enjoy the sense of satisfaction muchly after every customer's feedback of WELLDONE! :D

Tragedy

2011-11-01T22:59:00.002+08:00

Day 1 of depression:
Having a very bad feeling that it's depression kicking in.
You made me utterly disappointed in everything I do
What am I suppose to say when I'm all chopped up while you're feeling okay.
I dun want this to affect my studies. Anything but studies please.
God, I pray for you enlightenment and pls make me okay.

2010-12-03T19:59:00.002+08:00

its friday.
im at my living room sofa blogging
listening : i can't forgive you

its been a day since you've texted me. i guess you really need time to yourself. i cannot do anything but wait for your text and tell me that you are fine because i don't want to poke you too much until you burst. sometimes i find that maybe its just me who is not good enough for you to keep me by yr side and leaving without a word suddenly. and its not the first time. i cannot help but to say this, i cannot take this lying. i mean, who could? baby, am i not understanding enough? am i not good enough? did i not compremise? i don't know what exactly happen that made you left me all alone for the past 2 days but it did affect me alot. many things ran through my mind. i guessed im too obsessive too. but thats because i loved you. sigh. forget it.. looking at this situation, there's nth more i can say or do either now..

if you just realise how muchly important you are. If.

2010-11-29T21:00:00.002+08:00

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS, IS YOU! :)

Wishlist:

new barbell for my tongue stud
i touch 32GB
Kukup trip with my lovelies
levis deniem wallet
birthday party for my 18th.
Enjoy many many nice Dim Sums!
Do well in my projects.
health gets better and stop nose bleeding! __

2010-11-25T14:32:00.003+08:00

a penny of thoughts, im selling for a dollar.
funny when you're dead, how ppl start listening.
if i die young, bury me in a bed of rose, send me away with words of a love song.

Atypical Depression

Atypical depression is a common subtype of major depression. It features a specific symptom pattern, including a temporary mood lift in response to positive events. You may feel better after receiving good news or while out with friends. However, this boost in mood is fleeting. Other symptoms of atypical depression include weight gain, increased appetite, sleeping excessively, a heavy feeling in the arms and legs, and sensitivity to rejection. Atypical depression responds better to some therapies and medications than others, so identifying this subtype can be particularly helpful.

2010-11-25T14:11:00.001+08:00

Enough of crying,

I'm Fucking TIRED.

2010-11-25T13:41:00.003+08:00

2010-11-25T13:06:00.002+08:00

I was thinkin about her,
thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us,
what we gonna be?
Open my eyes,
it was only just a dream.

So I travel back,
down that road.
Will she come back?
No one knows.
I realize,
it was only just a dream.

I was at the top and I was like I'm at the basement.
Number one spot and now she found her a replacement.
I swear now I can't take it, knowing somebody's got my baby.
And now you ain't around, baby I can't think.
Shoulda put it down. Shoulda got that ring.
Cuz I can still feel it in the air.
See her pretty face run my fingers through her hair.

My lover, my life. My shorty, my wife.
She left me, I'm tied.
Cuz I knew that it just ain't right.

I was thinkin about her,
thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us,
what we gonna be?
Open my eyes,
it was only just a dream.

So I travel back,
down that road.
Will she come back?
No one knows.
I realize,
it was only just a dream.

When I be ridin man I swear I see her face at every turn.
Tryin to get my usher over, I can let it burn.
And I just hope she notice she the only one I yearn for.
Oh I miss her when will I learn?

Didn't give her all my love, I guess now I got my payback.
Now I'm in the club thinkin all about my Baby.
Hey, she was so easy to love. But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough.

I'm going through it every time that I'm alone.
And now i'm missing, wishing she'd pick up the phone.
But she made a decision that she wanted to move one.
Cuz I was wrong.

And I was thinkin about her,
thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us,
what we gonna be?
Open my eyes,
it was only just a dream.

So I travel back,
down that road.
Will you come back?
No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.
I said, if you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.

I was thinkin about her,
thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us,
what we gonna be?
Open my eyes,
it was only just a dream.

So I travel back,
down that road.
Will she come back?
No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

And I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream

2010-11-17T01:14:00.000+08:00

Overwhelming pain.

2010-11-16T11:52:00.001+08:00

I NEED HER BODY BADDDLYYYY!!!!!

2010-11-16T11:13:00.003+08:00

Somking is something i can hardly feel.. Migrane has been hitting me back because i've cut down on smoking. and this whole week! i didn't smoke! though i feel very terrible, and suffocated, but i'll just tolerate and endure until i can't take it den smoke.. (:

KEKEKE... =) *winks*

MY LOVELY APPLES!

lately im gonna work so hard with my projects and rws work(:

shall post some pics of my workplace at cove soon! it's like a heaven.. then again its a club house island.. so the deluxe is there.. yay! im gonna work hard, just so hard to be her dbs daughter! -.-

sigh.. talking about my mom is just another headache.. what do she knows about me man! never once seen her suporting me in netball nor swimming.. i mean not even motivational words.. and when im super down, i no longer expect she would even ask me if im okay.. im too immunbe to the pain she has impact on me.. so used to it already:(

its something that i have no confidence in.. which is myself. i don't make up a good lover i can say.. afterall these years, i have not been treating my lovers well enough.. except for one.. and i cna say i've served my deserved karma already.. even if i do have mroe, i should by done serving them. back then, i was reading on our past mesages. and i wonder if you will even read my blog again or not.. but well. thank god we are stil good friends and we are both hapily moving on(:

hopeherneckgetswellsoon!

the funny part about us is, we both feel we are not good enough for each other(:

i am glad we are in this stage now(:

2010-10-26T20:40:00.002+08:00

lappy had died on me this morning and im so damn upset:(
Visited docs this morning and it seems that migrane's back thus im feeling headache.. And it reminds me of you as well:( then Visited grandma at hospital, she cried so badly and made me cried too:( my heart simply wrecked after seeing her cry that bad.. And i need to work double hard for everything i do now. Be it for her or myself.. Grandma! Hang in there... I really love you alot and never think negative!!! You'll be just fine! I<3 you! Hugs....
Why am i thinking of you? Shietz! S:

2010-10-21T00:24:00.005+08:00

FUCK MIRGRANE'S BACK?

im currently working on pjms project.. very guilty to have not take on my leader task and give specific instructions.. sick this week and its really killing me:( i hate the headache part the most.. its burning off my brains last night as i was really burning high.. 39.3? almost wanted to go hospital but didn't.. scared i'll not make it there alone..

anw.. today after class end at 4pm. wanted to go down and visit ssbj, but she's not feeling well. so i don't wanna disturb her rest time.. so went to junction b have dinner with my girls instead.. den went down to queens to get my BM cert from Mohktar.. met those swim boys.. looking good on their physics.. haha.. one of them was hot.. i couldn't take my eyes off his electrical eyes.. i promised him i'll get down next week or smth? hahah.. went home and took a bathe.. had maggie mee for dinner.. den started coughing... and coughing badly till blood clot came upon:'( and nose bleed after 5 mins:( damn sad shit.. dunno why im so weak lately.. i normally not so weak one.. :C

plan tmr: go sch, attend lessons, hang in there, visit ssbj if im able to, head to friendly, head home do project. (:

i know its been hard for you and may god bless your dad.. (: angels willl protect him up there. and please stay strong.. not everyone can hang in there during this kinda situation.. but well.. you are a strong girl.. i know im rather annoying at times nagging you to take care of yrself.. but i dun want you to fall ill you see.. and you still have to worry about yr mom and sis.. sigh... in any case.. im just here.. right here for you.. this is the 234323498 million times im saying it already.. but i hope you know that someone is out there for you.. hope you feel secure and better in coping.. (: handle yself with care and dun exhaust too much.. hope you can tide this period through smoothly.. hugs... i am nobody to your life, thus i don't wanna poke in too much anymore. sometimes i'd really wanna go down and visit you but you need some time alone with yr family too.. and they need you more than i do(: i can udnerstand... (: ppl are saying im foolish.. am i? :D haha. oh well.. you are worthy of my waiting time. haha. waited for you for a month! goodness. hinted you like 234234ttimes. but its alright.. even if you only wanna be friends, im still gonna stay here for you(: jiayou!!

sometimes i think i care too much and talk to you too much.. haha. abit weird right.. but its okay... im being a little paranoid when im sick haha.. (: jiayou for the match tmr(: take care of yr body! dumbass.

2010-10-20T08:55:00.002+08:00

im a little worried about your health cause you might break down anytime. Please take good care of yourself. i know its hard on you.. but i don't want you to fall sick.. please..... stay strong.. hugs.. i adore you(:

2010-10-20T08:49:00.003+08:00

omg! i woke up to a shocking news this morning at 7am... im so sorry to hear that.. please take it easy ssbj...
i knew it.. i knew smth was wrong... :( sigh.. but its also a good thing for yr dad that he passed away peacefully without a need to struggle anymore...
please stay strong girl... i know you need someone right now... sigh.. i doubt i can help out much.. please take it easy alright?

"No matter what happens, i'll be here for you. Right here."

oh god.. my throat and knee is killing me. :(

im sorry ken, you came in too randomly.. i can't handle this. i know you are reading this. but please dun do anything silly alright? best friends still(:

2010-10-16T16:48:00.002+08:00

woahh!! it's been long since i've update this blog.. ever since i was busy(: heez..
sch has started.. its time we bucked up(: and all those slackings should be motivated..

i have a million of questions about my life.. polite is coming. i still feel like dreaming and never wanted to woke up. but tonight i've fallen and i can't get up. i need your loving hands to pick me up.. but i realise the lovely stars up high are the only one there when i look up with those shimmery eyes..
i hope your dad is fine.. becox i know you are strong, so will yr dad be(: hang in there dear(: you'd make it(:

2010-09-22T02:05:00.001+08:00

BOOOOOO!!!!

2010-09-22T01:30:00.003+08:00

KEKEKEKEKEKKE =D

2010-09-22T01:02:00.004+08:00

Didn't sleep well last night.. oh wait.. i didn't sleep even. haha!
had a bad real bad mirgrane last night till this afternoon.. took caffox.. den went down to nanny's place to take a breather.. got better after nanny gave me another extra strong panadol for the pain.. (: thank nanny.. i love you!!!
Went down to clementi NUS to play netball after that.. at around 7pm..
haha.. knee pain was fine.. den i literally saw someone jump straight into the drain.. haha.. ks and me laugh like mad.. oh well.. before that we crossed AYE.. as in. jay walk cross.. hahah! it was super thrilling.. almost got bang.. but it was fine(:
After the game, went to NTUC to get my fav lemons and also milk... haha!

Can't wait for thurs sentosa! (: anw.. tmr going town with cousin to walk about and also its lantern's day.. happy official 2 months too.. :X (if we were still together)

i hope ssbj's feet is fine... rest more luh!!!! take tmr as a resting day to heal all yr aches..
i know you are very lazy and too tired to even paste salompas on the ache parts.. oh well.. sleep more tmr!!! (: hope you get well uh! silly! eat more too! drink more water else you'll fall ill... (;
hmmm.. if i were to meet you, i'd really hope to help you ease all your aches in any way.. be it massage or laugh all yr pain off.. though i know i dun have such magical power but i hope i can be of some help.. haha! enjoy your attachment! ^^

2010-09-21T15:16:00.001+08:00

why am i a lesbian? HAHA!

SHE'S A MONSTER, BEAUTIFUL MONSTER.

AND I NEED HER..

2010-09-20T23:40:00.002+08:00

omg.. lazy to update what happened back few days.. haha

today.. woke up.. went back bishan with cor to get f1 stuff.. those passes and shirts..
den went down to find daniel.. ate mac, talk cock and stall time to 6.30pm.
den went with mom, jieying and another room mate to clark quay lantern festival fair and smack all those food.. i swear im fucking fat.. bought a shirt.. mom bought a swim wear? hhaha!

sigh... i am fat.. now very... tmr morning, im just gonna go market and buy lemons.. everyday from now and then, im gonna make friends with them.. (:
sick and tired of being fat! haha.. i need to be aneroxic slim^^
declare dead. fuck pathetic fat!

2010-09-17T23:36:00.000+08:00

Any idea how much im fighting for you?

2010-09-17T21:32:00.002+08:00

Im just disappointed in you(:

i cannot afford bliss..

don't act like you know me well.
you didn't get the whole story.
you have no idea what's going on.
what's inside me is fear.

2010-09-17T21:15:00.002+08:00

love confusion is the right song to listen now.

you are a theif! and i want to charge you with a penalty!

world revolves around you.

why am so lost in you?

until i dun know me anymore.

2010-09-17T17:43:00.002+08:00

i just woke up.. woke up with a sad face. but i can't help. this is the only way i can release my piece of mind. writing.

i know what's going on. i had a clear picture of it. you don't need to say anymore further. i won't prob further either. becox... you need someone that is special. i am not the one.. the emotional connection between us is crucial. if you really have a feeling for me,tell me soon before i quit. the period is not long becox i don't even know if you are holding me on... i will stay if you could make me feel you're holding on.

after this. i dunno what's wrong.. but i feel like being quiet.. and just get over everything. get over all these unhappiness..

2010-09-17T06:53:00.001+08:00

i badly wanted to text you and call you to check if you are fine, but.. My mind said i couldn't.. I need to give you a break.. You are right about this.. Im too controlling to even start in a way.. Take good care of yr health.. You'll be fine.. Dun think too much or get stressed up, in time to come, you'll not rmb these anymore. (:

2010-09-17T06:49:00.002+08:00

a decision is made.. To you, i may be an option, but to me, you are someone i've chosen. Even if you were to not talk to me or even say it was all my wishful thinking creating an affection, fair enough. I've got nth to say.. But you made this feeling develop.. at the end of the day, i know you won't let me in to your guarded heart.. But im still here for idk why.. :( im sincerely sorry.. I told you i was a bad lover...

2010-09-15T21:25:00.002+08:00

ITS ALWAYS DREAMS.

a bad migrane is worst off without you.

2010-09-15T19:57:00.001+08:00

Rest assured.

2010-09-15T18:22:00.001+08:00

i think i should leave you alone. perhaps i wasn't even special to you in the first place. im taking you away from complications. i'd leave.

2010-09-15T17:58:00.002+08:00

i have no idea if you've read any of my post.. but.. its over exam.. and im gonna handle my feelings now..

thats the thing about being a bisexual
ssbj: i'd really hope you are fine. i know im overboard. im not being fair. but i'd really dunno whats on yr mind.. and im taking it real slow.. im sorry if i've made you disappointed or anything.. im thinking of you right now... a big question mark is on yr head.. yes.. i do have affections for you.. i do have heart racing feelings for you.. perhaps its crush.. im taking it slow to know more about you, about my feelings to you and yours... whenever i needed you badly, i'd really hope you would give me a hug and tell me everything is gonna be fine. just fine with you around. perhaps these words are free. all free.. i dun dare to take any action becox i feel so inferiority inside.. im feeling if im too fast.. when tears roll down yr face, i'd really wanna wipe it off and say its okay.. a hug.. but my courage was gone.. i felt so bad.. time to you is smth important becox you have a guarded heart.. so am i having one.. no one would like to be a rebound or substitute.. sigh.. perhaps i should give you more time.. perhaps you have someone else outside. though you once told me you have no one special.. i guess right now, i can only leave you the space you needed badly.. pwease be fine(: im waiting for your text.

ac: you instead do not have time. no more commitments can you give.. i have told you all my thinkings in the afternoon.. spilling all my mind, no doubt its right or wrong, selfish, demanding, stupid or even foolish.. like you mentioned in the talk, what if there's a girl awaiting for you? will i make a move and thrash her? will i? im really lost at words... you give me everything i need.. but i took it for granted.. now feelings are thrashing me... are you still happy and enjoying loving me? or are you just staying for the sake of depreciating yr sadness? sigh....

oh god... i dun wanna be selfish.. im making a choice for good.

2010-09-15T11:43:00.002+08:00

oh my tian! exams over! great..!

ytd went out with ssbj to ps starbucks and mug.. den cmi. went to catch "love cuts" movie.. hahha.. a retard first had tummy ache and run to ladies in the middle of movie, den came back, den she literally cry.. oh well.. it reminds about smth rather hurting to her.. haha.. didn't know what to do, but just provide tissue..
den head to bugis and she went for her seol gardens.. i went to mug at starbuck...
after that.. a whirlwheel of feeling came and smack me hard.. it was really hard to catch my breathe ytd.. i was glad i was alone.. (: becox that was when i needed to learn to stand up when i fall(: initially, i tot i couldn't make it.. so i bought 3 cans of heniken and 8 cans of stella.. whack them and head home.. tot i would just fall into bed. fucking end up staying up till 3am plus tweeting with corlove.. hahah! sibei zai! EXCELLENT!.. den woke up at 6.15am.. brush up and head to sch for exams...

B was there when i needed her so much.. i thank her ytd night(: thanks for the hug all night(: i spent my emotions too much on you, and i wouldn't wanna rely on you too much(: so.. all the best! see you tonight!(:

2010-09-14T00:28:00.002+08:00

Tmr wake up early, study all the way.. Cannot relax already.. :( no time.. And im only at chapt 2:(

I so badly wanna ask if you're fine, but i knew that you're a independant woman! (: cool!
Not gonna go sch tmr.. Just gonna mug at starbucks(: just so you know, i can't wait to see you once again, but i dun want my mind to be distracted.. So i've decided to not think.. And maybe mug a little? Hahaha.. (:

2010-09-13T13:05:00.002+08:00

wasted a day like ytd.. so shall mug all the way double today!
had a heart to heart talk with alwin.. :ZZ
i think i drank too much at one go.. abit in the wrong mind telling him wrong things
sometimes.. settling down with someone secure.. someone who can give you what you need isn't that bad..
but natsoh has a personality and attitude.. i DON"T DROP MY EXPECTATIONS..
if you have a plus point, it'll be great..

den again.. what's about love... what's about relationship.... seriously speaking.. i think you;re just lack of the heart racing feelings, outgoing and super daring character,bombasti figure... thats all yr lack of to be the one.. (:
can you live up to my expectations????? oh welll... women are still women... we have expectations... i do too.. else why would you like natsoh? hahahha...
maybe we should give some time between us... since you're at yr peak point until you cannot take to see me with another girl already.. im not gonna test yr limit, this is nonsense immatureness. but im just gonna stand and see what truely is love about in you.. what are you hoding exactly.. im gonna start to observe(:

on the other side, i have heart racing feelings for you. idk why.. though when i ned you badly, you weren;t there.. but you allowed me to be independant.. yr smile.. idk. but you seem caring and nice to everyone of yr friends around you..... i know you're confused.. how did i handle such a feeling after that break up... but.... i have many things to update you.... way to many.. all i want is to get ride of exams and catch up with you.. i'd really wanna know how you feel.. not becox if you dun like me, i won't like you.. i've changed to not be a selfish one.. i think about others now(:

her: i guess you should take a break and go easy on love.. maybe flirting or flinging around can help you get over everything. but what im for sure is... you need some time to cool down.. i know you're handling the aches.. but you can handle them in another way.. (: all the best to you!(: dun ever think about replacement.. haha.. apprantly it reminds me of what you once told me i'll never be replaced by anyone in yr heart? hahaha. okay.. may god bless you and unwanted unhappiness blow away!(: take care(: i do miss you(:

2010-09-12T22:23:00.001+08:00

Spin whinwhirl!!!!!!!

2010-09-12T22:12:00.003+08:00

love, love is not prideful.
love is recover from mistakes.

i realised i should stop loving.
i should not ask why.
i should just give our love away.
there's dun need for sympathy.
i shall stop investing...

somebody anyone, help, cox this is an emergency.
someone just ruined my heart.
i need a stitch..
starting all over again.

2010-09-12T13:06:00.004+08:00

okay.. today's plan.... go mugging at vivo until im totally brainless... brought all my needed medication already! haahah.. ready to blast! memorise notes and do revision! (:
apprantly, i would love to have some frolick but im saving and cutting down on my fat intake!!!! (: shall not spend alot today! (:

trying to get through coutage model group but the expectation is high... :/ check out fel at FHM this week! (:

working on tattoo draft and also planning my monday schedue.. (:

no distractions!!!
NO EXPECTATIONS=NO DISSAPPOINTMENTS!!!!! :D

2010-09-11T21:42:00.002+08:00

had scooby doooooooo!!!! (: later 10pm got incredible tales!!! i should watch and concure my fears!!!!

it was just a dream..... as i felt... it felt so real to be yours..
but unfortunately im not(:
memorize the parts and definitions later!!! work hard! (:
when i see you next time, i would love to hug you tight!

2010-09-11T17:06:00.001+08:00

mummy's coming home tmr! (: hugs(: imy(:
Omg.. I miss having family dinner(: really family kind.. Like steam boat, nice food, cook together.. Omg! Hahhahaha.. I just miss family gathering!! (:

2010-09-11T16:24:00.002+08:00

Let's make this interesting.. i work hard and go on diet for this whole entire month until i save up till $300.. i go get my new tattoo.. how's about it?(:

Sounds like a good idea!

cool!

2010-09-11T15:09:00.002+08:00

woke up early morning and start starting doing revision(: now im back home.. later round 2!!! before i can watch my scooby dooo!!! hahah!!!!

dunno why so excited also(:
that explains everything.. im cute as can be..

alittle talk about love, isn't it amazing.. you yearn for that attention and signs, and that after you recieve some, you presume it'll keep coming.. but the right form should be both ways putting effort(: yes.. im distracted.. distracted by you amazingly.. your caring notes and smiles spell.. but just that im going as far as i can.. i made a wrong move to mislead you... i should have take things slow.. im sorry.. now that what's done cannot be undone.. i shall just stay by and see how it goes..

thinking about future... i'd really really can't imagine.... but if we are really fated to be together, i doubt anything can come through us.. meeting each other through billions of ppl is already a fate.. what more if you have poured feelings into it... i just believe yr efforts will pay off.. it will.. not saying anything indirect, but its what i normally see...

den again.. no expectations, no dissappointments(: isn't that so true? hahah
self pity.. hmm.. true.... zeh was right.. after all.. im just someone super self- centered wanting everyone to care for me and acc me.. why not me doing it for everyone?

its been so much better now(:
everything is sorted(:
just stay where i am, and don't expect...

anw.. please pray hard for her to be clear from sickness, those aches, headaches, bodyaches, backaches, joint pains.. and let her score for her exams!!!!!!! (:
let nature takes its course. whats meant to be will be..
i miss you girl(: i mean it this time round silly!

2010-09-11T00:36:00.002+08:00

you told me you miss me..
i missed you soo tooo...

please dun fall sick...
and you know what, im just gonna focus on my studies and nth esle.. not gonna think about you nor her...

den again.. had a superb heart to heart talk with alwin at the beach ytd.. and i was wanting some piggyback from someone badly.. but unfortunately.. she isn't there..

cousin's right.. should slap some sense into me instead of licking my wounds and having self pity.. so what if the night is just an ordinary one.. without you.. i can still go on... (;

expected it.. expected your reactions.. expected this horrible feeling tonight.. brave it through..(:

2010-09-07T22:00:00.002+08:00

no idea how you could make me smile even when im scared and down(:
today is closing of date.. im at home... i'll study now.. (:
i admit im alcoholic now. becox im having super bad headache and migrane without drinks:(
but i promised to stay home without touching them..
den again.. i shall force myself and wake up for sch tmr! :( sch.... i am trying not to give up(:

i just haven't met you yet.
pom... i not is understanding you....

i can't sleep without thinking of you(:
i love the way you are.. sour at times, bitter at times.. (:
you smile i smile.. i love you stella. cheer up!!!! gonna meet you soon!!!!!!
(if only someone allows :S )

2010-09-06T23:19:00.002+08:00

everyday.. i meet stella.. everyday. we date.. i never would wanna leave you.. but i realy need to hold and refrain myself from being an alcholic again...

seriously... i can't take it anymore... i am officially unloved.
im going for an mia. sorry babes. goodbye.
trainings,op,school,class,prayers, fuck off.

2010-09-02T21:23:00.002+08:00

hearing your voice is just so magical.
all humans take things for granted.. lose them already then realise how important they are to you.
i can't turn back now.. i ignored all the care and concern, i must do it all the way. for your happiness, i must force myself even if it takes my life away.
i still rmb the old wordpress i used to write things for you.. made you keep laughing.. haha.. at least your happy(:
im happy when i see you happy...
life isn't the same without you.. i didn't give you one last kiss.
love... you are such a hassle...
i cant keep on living this way.. why did i push you away again and again? now i understand the reason why... becox i want you to be happy like now..
now i dunno what to do to myself..
i would give you anything to make you happy.
do anything to hear you say you love me for one last time..
i would die for you.. just to feel you happy..
i know its impossible for you to hear me say i love you once again.
i can;t stand look those pic that i framed.
you know how much it hurts to be missing. baby im missing you i love you.
i believe love.. you will come back if you do. if you don't.. i'll smile and be there to caught you when you fall.

sometimes i really ask myself why do i keep doing these hurt to you.. den i found out becox im too sensitive.. too much of a controlling and aggressive till you want to leave..

together we were fighting through the storms.. can we have one last fight?
i swear to god this time, you'll be my everything.
i'll give in 999 times if we were to quarrel 1000 times. the last chance is for you to let me say i love you..

i let you down enough.... its time i really leave.. no matter how fucking sad i am, hurt i am, emotional or depressing i feel, i'll not let them affect you... i'll be happy when i see you happy.

ALWAYS BE MY BABY. only you.
now you wanna be free, so im letting you fly..
cox in my heart i know you'll always be a part of me.
im going crazy for not caring for you, not hugging you when you're cold.
i ain;t gonna cry, but im begging you to stay.
if you're determine to leave girl, i'll not hold you down..
i love you still.. (: darling.. 22/6/10

2010-09-02T18:28:00.003+08:00

after exams, zenn and blur is gonna bring me out for halo house party!!!!!!! fucking hell butch hunt was disgusting... cui bong lately.. butches are going extinct soon(: andros, you can stop developing(:

oh oh oh... abrigal and kayne is gonna do smth tonight! opps! (: stay happy lovely couple! (:

i believe in what i hear and see(:

2010-09-02T17:47:00.003+08:00

had friendly just now with taipei ppl(: not bad.. their skills are fine. (: good experience...
after that went kfc to makan(: we were gossiping.. den im the last to finish:( make everyone wait.. so bad:/ den went cathy to watch stupid haunted changi.. i swear its not nice and waste my 6 bucks! hahahaha... den after that i had bruise on my right arm.. so scary!!!!!! :(

yanniang:GET WELL SOON!!!! (:

YEO HWEE LENG: you better get well soon.. ignore your fucking son! (: visit you later.

IAMTHEWAN : you very cuteeee lehhh!!!!

blur ice: you fucking hot! 40%sex, 30% love, 30% trust. you dun so hot face can anot? (:

2010-09-01T14:07:00.005+08:00

listening to :到不了
if quarreling and drama is all i can give in a package for my love to you. i'll never let myself go near you ever again.. im hurting myself by hurting you.. upseting myself seeing you upset.. (:
When I say I love you, I don't say it out of a habit but to remind you that you're the best thing that ever happened to me.

i wanted to send all my love to you.... but the postman said it was too big:(
And I don't want to go somewhere if i know you're not there. That's because my heart needs to be right next to where you are

Even if i had a hundred reasons to leave you, i'd still look for that one reason to stay(:

2010-09-01T13:27:00.003+08:00

backache, heartache, headache, muscleache, tummyache.. what else?? bring it on.. im facing attitudes of life okay?

i officially announced myself away from pain next week.
im trying to focus on studies but im not getting anywhere. shall bathe after i blog and head down to starbucks and start mugging alone..

i don't mind being alone now seriously speaking.. becox ytd night was smth i tide through myself. im weak yes.. weak all over... i have no support from my extreme loved ones. but at least im doing my job fufilling yr wish. love isn't about telling, jealousy floods in sometimes but i swallowed it, anger and nonsensical irritation that i throw is ridiculous but i gave it becox i want yr attention badly, caring and concern are all i can give but i didn't wanna continue supply them too much after realising you were actually self-centered. perhaps its fate, probably its crash of characters. but whatever it is. i did a wise decision this time round.. i don't mind crashing all by myself. loving can by done by another way. my solution is stated clear. i make my leave, you'll catch yr breathe for your next love(: i have no idea how you've felt lately... but im sure that whatever you told me that night was nth but the truth.. no doubt you feel happy leaving, relieved im gone for goood finally, having bad thoughts, making yourself busy, feeling upset, greiving, numb in a way you just wanna ignore everything, no doubt all these feelings, any which of them, i just want to say... you choose wether you want to or not..

a break up was what i initiated, the reason why i didn't let go becox you didn't give me yr consent.. love is about both.. i can initiate a thousand times of break ups, but if you don't agree, we are not over.. its like a contract signing on both ways..
we didn't talk for 24hrs officially.. probably silly fools were waiting for one anothers text.. or perhaps we just wanna stop contacting.

im making my stand here.. i was waiting.. not a miricale but yr name on my inbox again.. thought about yr words last night.. why compared you to the past.. fair enough.. comparision is nth but additional harm. i now hereby believed and convinced myself fully that the past of you was excellence but only lasted for a short time limited. not of cox forgetting about blaming myself for treating you in that manner else wise you wouldn;t have changed. few days back on 28 i bought you a ring.. reason being why is becox i was proud of the present gf i had, telling me no one else could replace me for her love.. no one.. her love to me was deep and extrodinary.. sacrificing every single part of her life for me.. surprisingly, i was a bad gf which i said from the very start. she's a good gf whom i never deserved willing to stay by no matter how bad i am.. from having an affair back then to dissappointing her to making her out of love.. seriously speaking.. im happy for not tortuting her anymore.. im happy about she's happy right now.. im happy that she can squeeze out a smile no matter how upset she was.. (: good job girl.. im proud to have had you once for 6 months.. though we had those drama, but every single day, you made me change to become a better person, not self-centered, not drug addict, not womanizer, not materalistic as compared, controlling my temper..you made me also remind myself that when tears drops by, it means i still care.. (: i love you for who you are. no matter how much i mean to you.. my love is true... thank you for being there as much as you can every single min when i needed you.. (:

2010-08-18T11:10:00.002+08:00

i woke up to the fact that im fucking weak! wasted money on hospital fees:(
gotta work now and study:( faster give me some job.... i'll do anything...

ytd ate beef and drank light tea.. stomach is not working very well but i swear its much better ytd! gosh..... that was the most painful time of my life... i blacked out fucking lot of times.. scaring the shit of alwin.. :p sorry alwin.. and he was damn nice to help me out to hospital.. else i would have died at home.. thanks alot! he is sucha nice person.. :)

have to complete my ptt with lovelies tmr.. get bbq things settled. finish off my POM studies and start on my training list next week.. (:

bumble.... get well soon(:
enen... my god bless away yr chicken pox.. i knew we had same fate and telephaty.. geez!(:
oh shit! next monday nanny's birthday!!! i guess i'll celebrate in the morning for her.. (: gotta go order a mini cake(:

2010-08-17T12:57:00.001+08:00

i don't feel like talking but just want this. :/

2010-07-26T12:53:00.003+08:00

setting up my piorities..
i've got my job...
i've gotta work on it..

if everything is getting difficult, i suggest you to not insist on hanging. sometimes letting go might be a wiser choice to be better(: [Janice shua]

im not letting this menopause woman affecting me..
relationship doesn't matters.
i don't need to seek stress and unhappines for myself..
live to be happy is what's best(:
SMILE WIDE(:

drinking, elderlyflower tea and eating hotdog roll(: like!

2010-07-10T13:19:00.000+08:00

I know how it feels
To wake up without her
Lying here all alone
Just thinking about her
I can't believeHer hold on me
It's something indescribable
I know she knows
But won't you please

[Chorus:]
If you see my girl
Just tell her I miss her smile
Tell her I'm counting the minutes
Gonna see her in a little while
I know when she
Holds on to me
She's the one thing that I could never live without
Oh, oh, oh, oh
And tell her I love her
Oh yeah, just tell her I love her
The way that she moves
You know what it does to me
And when I catch her eye
I can hardly breathe
Still can't believe
Her hold on me
She's just so indescribable
I know she knows
But won't you please, please

[Chorus]
Every time that I'm around her
I just go to pieces crashing tumbling to the ground
I'm so glad I found her
I know how it feels

[Chorus]
Oh yeah, just tell her I love her

2010-07-10T13:08:00.001+08:00

My morning starts to shine with teardrops in my eyes
And here I am alone starting to realize
That my days would be brighter, if I could learn to hide
The feelings that I have for you keep hurtin me inside

Then my day begins with simple thoughts of you
Hoping that tomorrow would be me and you
Sharing dreams with each other
And making them come true
Holding one another, saying all I need is you

[Chorus]
But will you say that you love me
And show me that you care
Say when I need you, you will always be there
But if you go and leave me
This I swear is true, my love will always be with you

Now my nights would end that just one wish that's you
To hold me in the dark, help me make it through
Cause the pain that's inside me, would simply melt away
If I had you here with me and promise me you'll stay

[Chorus]
But will you say that you love me
And show me that you care
Say when I need you, you will always be there
But if you go and leave me
This I swear is true, my love will always be with you
But will you say that you love me
And show me that you care
Say when I need you, you will always be there
But if you go and leave me
This I swear is true
My love will always
My love will always ooh, ooh
My love will always be with you.

2010-07-02T01:24:00.002+08:00

daddy went for a scoop:( it hurts seeing him limping and everything.. taking those truck loads of pills breaks my heart.. shall get breakfast for him tmr(: i love you daddy! get well soon!!!. btw... i can't slp now.. im sooo dred... "/

im returning the books to you girl..

2010-07-01T04:37:00.003+08:00

Its a paradise to be with her all around.
When you feel loved, she is one.
Feeling blue, she handles.
Falling off, she holds.
what else do you need in your life other than the greatest she?(:

be contented of what you have.
never force yourself to do smth for the sake of a reason to rely..
becox one final day when clock strikes midnight, you will forgo..

pages and pages of flashbacks flipped by..
hahah... my heart shrink into a ballzxzxz..
im heading to bed(: tmr got training(:

2010-07-01T03:39:00.000+08:00

2010-07-01T00:35:00.002+08:00

suddenly i miss you much.. i was looking at our past photos and smiling.. haha.. well.. we are still friends now and then(: take care(: hope to see you soon(:

2010-06-30T22:52:00.001+08:00

petals will fall when flowers witters..
bees die after they sting one..
beer sours off after oxidisation..
words are nothing when wind blows..
imma chocolate.. A bitter one..(:
appreciate me... (:

Can't wait to see ppl acting one guieniuely nice.. Shooting obnoxious words... Haha!

2010-06-27T16:21:00.000+08:00

LOCKED POST

2010-06-27T15:59:00.002+08:00

take it off
Put it on
Drop it
Pick it up(:
Should i pick it up or be another coward? Hahaha
i think i'll rather be a coward...
Because i don't wanna lose My precious ever again..
i miss baby enn... :B
my body is so itchy.. :( i want to get well(:

2010-06-25T22:05:00.000+08:00

training cancelled in the morning.. Cui!!!! Waste my cab fare! $20 leh!!! Hahaha... Den had a fun talk with my lovely team mates.. (: we damn funny.. Was playing flash blacks during tough times and camps(: den after that went hosptial to see grandpa.. Hahaha.. Cannot take it on how he disturb the nurse !! Hahaha! Den went home slpt and rot... I skipped training..:( I must start training me practical next week(: den finish off BM test(:

you were so daring to face yrself... I admire that side off yours. Hahah! (: jia you.. Fight for what you want huh...
I'm having cravings that you can never satisfy..(:
happy pills from you again...
Don't understand why you and I are tangled..

2010-06-24T19:02:00.001+08:00

hahaha! Had a joke of the day!!!!!!
I love you... Our secret..... Shhhh... Hugs.. (:

2010-06-24T04:23:00.000+08:00

can you hug me to sleep even if we are on streets?
i don't want to love any other than you..
touch me with your hands only.. (:
im sleepy.. im tired... can i lose some weight too? (:
or is someone else taking my running wheel?
i believe i will get on that running track again..
i dun mind to be fat until im disguised..
as long as you open that gate and run along with me,
imma be your transformer.(: haha

I FORGET TO TELL YOU ON THE PHONE JUST NOW!
(i have a secret to tell you, someone is falling for me)*
@#$%&*()&4 threatens to take me away from you:(
saying @#$%^&* will seperate us :(
adding this, "ask her to watch out! i hate her!"
i is scared... so scared...... :(

2010-06-24T03:54:00.000+08:00

this post is for you:
pretending to love someone is hard.
stop pretending kyle.. you are tired.. so is she..
stop holding on to the past either.
i rmb when i were with you, you asked me if i were lying and i said yes.
i didn't regret admiting that it was a lie all along.
how about admiting it and handle the consequences?
you need to know im trying to make you see smth, the truth.
its called the truth.. don't torture yrself.. don't give up..
i want you to know smth. i love her. i lost her. she's never coming back. she loved elseone.
let me share with you, i don't want you to lose smth precious and regret. (;
don't lose her. you gladly know how much she helped you up..
and you, timing about behind her, i need you to wake up....
i quit my profile, your turn to press the X..
im sorry i can't be there for you just now... im feeling guilty..
you looked so sad even when you're sleeping..
i promise to help you stay strong kyle.. i promise you this.. don't give up...
slp tight.. (: you owe me a night's rest. im suppose to sleep.. :S

vernice, i know you are reading this and meantime pissing off. kyle needs you to know this.. this is what she told me before she knocked out.
"aiai doesn't want me because im out around, but i want to let her to know im falling for her"
"I need time to quit my habits, i need to have her with me, i found myself loving her"
vernice.. you should know more than i do what she's talking about.
you are tired, yes... let it go... you can never forget that night of what you saw with your eyes. but you can try to forgive. she deserves nothing, yes.. because she doesn't appreciate.. if you still love her, let her know you are angry, let her know how you feel, dun tell her you love her when you don't.. she isn't weak because she is upset.. she just wants you to stay.. im taking care of her for tonight.. she's holding my phone, i can't call. im sorry... take her back tmr morning. i saw yr blog.. im fine.. (: no worries.. im not bearing grudges, i am forgiving. bygones are bygones.. hurt are what i deserve(: i jolly accepted it.. you find it tiring for giving it your all because you're not meeting her halfway... she is quarter through.. give her a chance when you can forgive her.. else, let her go..
we all are lesbians.. we all have links.. amy and i are living examples whom you know best.. i forgived her, but she quit halfway through.. do you think she is loving her chinagirl now? she isn't.. that night when she was drunk, ben called me, i heard your name.. what's this about? haha.. aiyah.. quit this complicated nonsense... be firm on your decision.. don't do smth implusive.. im forever your friend.. although we are merely pub friends. we make nonsense, talk nonsense, do nonsense things.. hahah! i won't forget that trash bag... vandecovan... :p
i didn't save yr number becox your hp is forever changing. call my house.. i'll be home.. (:

2010-06-24T02:59:00.000+08:00

this was taken on last OTT. very beautiful.

the sky on last OTT!

i miss you, precious...

2010-06-23T22:41:00.000+08:00

Been sitting thinking
about you and I and
wondering why were not getting along
so frustrated 'cause
what we had was a happy home.

I don't know what the situation is
but I can tell in the way we kiss
we don't talk no more
it feels better when I'm alone

Sometimes I feel like there's no getting through to you
like you don't appreciate all that I do.
you gotta show me that you want me to stay
don't turn & walk away

baby I'm slowly falling out..of love with you
I don't know what to do,
how did we end up here this way?
what are we gonna do?
I'm slowly..falling out..
baby we're tripping on silly things
boy I need you to meet me halfway,
if you want me to be with you..

I remember when,
I'd be with my friends
you checked on me and made time to call
but how things have changed?
now I don't hear from you at all.
Yeah yeah yeah

Sometimes I feel like there's no getting through to you
like you don't appreciate all that I do.
you gotta show me that you want me to stay
don't turn & walk away

baby I'm slowly falling out..of love with you
I don't know what to do,
how did we end up here this way?
what are we gonna do?
I'm slowly..falling out..
baby we're tripping on silly things
boy I need you to meet me halfway,
if you want me to be with you..

don't let your pride get in the way,
for something we worked so hard
don't throw it away
I've been trying to make you see
everything you need is right here with me!

Sometimes I feel like there's no getting through to you
like you don't appreciate all that I do.
you gotta show me that you want me to stay
don't turn & walk away
Baby i'm slowly(Don't turn & walk away!)

baby I'm slowly falling out..of love with you
I don't know what to do,
how did we end up here this way?
what are we gonna do?
I'm slowly..falling out..
baby we're tripping on silly things
boy I need you to meet me halfway,
if you want me to be with you..

im tired of giving my all~
Slowly falling
slowly falling
How did we end up here this way?
i just wanna know what are we gonna do~
Oh
Slowly falling
slowly falling
How did we end up here this way?
what are we gonna do...
oh

2010-06-23T21:28:00.000+08:00

woke up by mom's call, grandfather fell, wore boxers and shirt down to take a look. den it rained.. so hardly can bring him to clinic.. wanted to call ambulance but grandma quit the call. went to doctor with grandpa on wheel chair under the rain.. its damn cold i swear.. den he refused to see the doctor.. he attempted to tear away the refer letter because the doc gave him a refer letter to go NUH.. he had blood clot on his right head, some burises.. its smth serious becox he hit his head on the fridge and there was a dent.. a palm size dent.. its scared that blood stained on it.. den went hospital, waited like hell long for 7 hours? i was shivering in that room and when i went out, worst. so at first he insisted not to be hospitalised, den ask aunt to come down.. he listens to that aunt the most.. so came down, pesify him.. den he agreed.. :S after that.. aunt talked to me.. we had a talk.. told me many things.. den came home..
took tempt, had fever. 38.6. bet it was the rain and cold.
luke: get well soon from that high fever.. (: your mummy loves you..
Granny: take good care of your health...
Grandma: don't catch a cold anymore...
Dad: what do you want from me? can you be more understanding? had enough of your damn fucked up atttitude. i don't deserve this. i wanted to visit you and yet you threw that attitude face to me.. think about how i feel? tolerated you alright.

aunt was right.. what is wrong with me? im gonna love myself more from now on. im gonna get a job.. a dishwasher or coffeshop helper doesnt mind either. as long as i have income can already.

take your acts away. i don't need actors. show me what you really want. you know i've changed, i proved on both actions and words. i know you need time. but thought about still keeping your promises at the same time? being there for me when i needed you no matter what? if your feelings fade, let it fade. don't force yrself to pull it back. becox you'll end up with unhappy feelings. if it hadn't, please tell me so, just so you know, i've changed for good. if i were ever gonna treat you bad or hurt you like the past, i'll be struck by lightning and die for good. don't leave me alone on this battlefield. don't lie to me. don't be unhappy with me around. (i lost my life once, i know what it is like to treasure things, if you believe me, believe that i love you truely) i have no idea what you are thinking. but i suffered enough. i've learnt my lesson. im appreciating everything around me. no longer arrogant nor taking things for granted nor even doing things that i insist without thinking. im a new person.. accept me as one.

2010-06-23T13:49:00.001+08:00

stop forcing her indirectly to force love out from her.. Its terrible on her.. She will go crazy.. Dun love means dun love. Feelings can never develop again.. So can you just leave everyone alone? do anything to yrself but leave everyone alone.. None of them deserve to suffer with you...

2010-06-23T13:49:00.000+08:00

my back hurts, skin hurts, head hurts, bone hurts.. heart hurts.. Enough of all these injections. Enough of all these nonsense natsoh.. Stop being selfish and act childish.. You know what to do, be the decisive natsoh, be that strong person, you made yr friends troubled, made themm cry.. You have totally no right to do that... She don't need you, leave her alone with those she wants to be with and stop annoying her, giving her trouble.. jolly well stop all these nonsense.. she don't love you, you deserve it. You make her so terrible by hanging on.. Can you imagine a peron who lost their love, fadeded

2010-06-22T11:59:00.000+08:00

i know i don't even matter to you. i accept this fact.

2010-06-22T05:05:00.000+08:00

woke up this morning at 1.30pm!! was late for dance... but in the end.. it wasn't what i wanted to learn... well nvm.. den went to junction 8 to do projects with my lovely love creatures.. (: i love them alot.. really alot alot alot.. they were so great...
LYNN(PTS): GET WELL SOONNNN.... my guan ying ma.. i love you!
den after that, went to get a vest from cotton on at 10 bucks.. met nattng at red line.. sent her to yishun for her steamboat(:
followed by that phobia train home alone.. i hate taking red line back home.. i was feeling real sicky... was dying when i reached home.. den washed up... ate a burger... went to meet alwinchia at rideout mac mto study BM.. den caught up... (someone's smiling widely with that brand hanging around his mouth) haha.. goodness... you can do it.. have confidence...
well.. den went to pick natng up for supper.. AND AND AND.. On the way before we go through CTE, we saw a RUNOVER CAT!!! sigh... how poor thing.. i lost my appetitte.. but well.. was fine after that... supposingly supper at kovan for porridge, den she refuse to have it, den went hongkong cafe, den closed.. in the end went back for porridge.. :/ den ate... drank barley.. i swear i miss auntie barley!!!!!!!! :( i needa meet her on friday.. training:( my muscles are smth i dun want... im so shag..... :(
btw.. sent natng home, went home, someone was talking too much about his little brand till he forgot the time.. he went back home safe..
now.. here i am... facing the com.. ain't gonna slp i guess.. its 5.15am already... if im gonna sleep.. i'll miss training at kallang at 8am!... :S

im disappointed that you didn't come nor tell me you ain't coming for ott.. :( i thought you wanted to train hard... none of you guys want ott anymore isn't it.. :( can i quit... i have no motivation from you guys.... my passion for netball is drifting away.. i don't know why.... :( this can make me real sad for this moment...

will you stay? you are like my past. i am like your past. we are replaying.. but can we hit the F5 button? Because its safe to say that i officially love you now and i've ain't running away any further.. (: imma virgin relationship with you.. (:
"we were together once? did we? hmm... i don't think so...."
"but we can be now.....(Rolling eyes around)* can we? :Z"
i put you so much infront of my everything.
friends stay and come. not many are true.. i gave them up... :(

2010-06-21T03:30:00.000+08:00

i don't want to be your friend... i don't want...

2010-06-21T02:41:00.000+08:00

i got you.. i got your words, your actions, your feelings. i know what to do...
i'll try my best.

2010-06-21T01:39:00.001+08:00

woke up.. edited songs... went over to accompany natng for her photo shoot..
she look totally cute and adorable... (:
den went over to marina square to eat at just asia after photo shoot..
den her friends came over.. den we went off cause i had to go..
met daddy.. we caught up for awhile.. ate hokkien noodle and hotplate deer meat..
he refused to let me pay.. den smth kinda unpleasant happened...
went home after that and bathed.. den doing my design applications until now..
still have report write up to do:(
have to finish by tmr..
sighhh... mom was stubborn to eat durian again.. she puked...
well, i coughed blood just now.. i guess i ate too much....
had a talk with alice on msn.. she promised to take care of my bff.(:
(im writing here as evidence)* heez..

give me a pillar to lie on.. i need you badly..
i worked hard for this. i took risk of my life for this..
but if only you knew and could tell me how you feel at that point..
im taking a step back if you don't like this..

2010-06-20T03:42:00.000+08:00

i want to tell you i treasure every sec, every min im with you.
i cherish every single thing you gave. (:
i ate and keep everything except for that sweet that i ate this morning, tat wrapper was too sticky.. im sorry.
i wore that ring you gave me to dance and ppl laughed. :(
i took care of those stars in the bottle and brought them everywhere, making sure they are safe.
i couldn't help it. i couldn't take my eyes off you..
i would say i love you if i'll see you again..
this time round.. personally.. im sincere..
okay... i know im saying as if im dying.. but i seriously is feeling very unwell now..
temperature of 38.5, head is cracking, waiting for adobe to be downloaded:(
after all that we've been through, i will make it up to you. i promised you.
after all that said and done, you're just a part of me, i can't let go.
i need to hold you tightly.. i wanna hold you until i die.
den i had a phone call with you, heard your sexy voice, couldn't bear to let you get tired..
but meanwhile i was very reluctant to let you slp!(((: haha. :D
okay.. this is bad.. i made you slpt less. :/
i was making a wish last night before i slpt.
hoping time would stop at that moment..(:
if you only knew how happy i was when you held my hands
when you were concerning about me.
when you lied on my shoulder. when you folded that ring for me.
AND PUTTING IT ON MY FOURTH FINGER!
i swear you made my heart skiipped 4 beats and i almost fainted because i couldn't catch my breathe....(: i caught your glimmer gorgious eyes to mine.
that look in your eyes made me all weak melting by your sweetness..
i was grinning at my phone with your beloved name from the beginning of the text..
smiling ear to ear when i saw your caring words..
its more than words, more than what you say..
hold me close and don't ever let me go..
i love you. i believe in love.
you are the ant. you are the stars. you are the one i love.
your legs are tired after too much of running in my thoughts. take a break and catch your breathe(: (you ain't slimming down after this running.. you needa run more)
10 hours 25 minutes before i get to catch your memerising face again.. :D

Natng: GET WELLLLLLLL!!!! I know you drank honey water and you're feeling better. But still.... get yourself fully recovered! don't be stubborn... slp more at home, drink more water, eat more fruits, have your meal! talk less, rest more! :D you eat what, i eat what. you eat nth, i eat nth. (:

2010-06-20T02:39:00.000+08:00

you really felt better today.. im glad..
dear god. i thank you for that.
the sick frog that i swallowed just now is acting up.
but its a remedy for you.(:

2010-06-20T02:21:00.000+08:00

In a night, many unpredictable things can happen. Changed a fact, changed a life, changed a new love.

2010-06-20T02:14:00.000+08:00

In a book- in a box- in the closet
In a line- in a song I once heard
In a moment on a front porch late one june
In a breath inside a whisper beneath the mooon

There it was at the tip of my fingers
There it was on the tip of my tongue
There you were and I had never been that far
There it was the whole world wrapped inside my arms
And I let it all slip away

What do I do now that you're gone
No back up plan no second chance
And no one else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains
Are the words I couldnt say

Theres a rain that will never stop fallin
There a wall that I tried to take down
What I should have said just wouldnt pass my lips
So I held back and now we've come to this
And it too late now

What do I do now that your gone
No back up plan no second chance
And no one else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains
Are the words I couldnt say

What do I do now that your gone
No back up plan no second chance
And no one else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains
Are the words I couldnt say

ily

2010-06-20T01:55:00.000+08:00

In her gallery, imma priceless work of art.
she's a masterpiece.. a masterpiece that chooses who that buys her, who to be sold to..
and not who chooses to buy her.
im destroying a masterpiece. no. i've destroyed one.
what hurts the most is that the truth is unrevealed.
what's right is that i left that masterpiece with a new owner.

2010-06-20T01:39:00.000+08:00

tissue cost $0.30?!
wow. enjoy yourself with the fun and drinks.
i have no rights to interfere with your life.
tell me about how i am feeling now.
"where were you when i needed you so badly?!"
i deserve this alone totally now when i left you alone.
hope that blessed girl is treating you well enough.(:

2010-06-20T00:57:00.000+08:00

When a wave of water has flood the village, let it cool down and pick up the pieces again.
it is never easy, but when you realized the village is safe and fine again, you will feel fine..

Pulling out my heart and doing CPR for myself right now.
(i couldn't breathe for one moment just now)

2010-06-20T00:27:00.000+08:00

my nose bled.. i wonder what's wrong..
hope that little feller is not drinking..
hope she is eating.. having fun..
idkifthisisabadthingbutidunfeelokay.
idunwannasayanyfurther.
ifonlyouwerehere.
inymorethananypillsnoroperations
youwouldn'twannaknownorcareiguess.

2010-06-19T22:41:00.000+08:00

choreographed some new dance for someone's birthday with jasmine just now.. Saw javon and perhaps audrey just now at plaza sing...
hmm.. Very tired.. But needa do work.. Plus my fever ain't going off.. But who cares.. Just needa get things done fast..
get well sooon little sickling.. Its torturing to hear you coughing yr lungs out.. Getting skinnier each day, not resting well and tonning out almost everyday... :(
Its killing me inside... Let me take your place.. I thank god for the fever.. Perhaps, you'd felt better today.. (:

2010-06-19T03:21:00.001+08:00

feverish night, wound is infected.
Im all on my own.

2010-06-19T03:21:00.000+08:00

feverish night, wound is infected.
Im all on my own.

2010-06-18T02:16:00.000+08:00

i can't sleep.. i've got alot alot alot work to do.. i need to clear it on sat night.. i need to stop all these nonsense(slacking)..

the sea told me you would be fine.
the prayers i've sent to god is working.
"when she's fine, i'll take whatever she is suffering"
i could stay awake just to watch you sleep.. (im sincere)
every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure.
i don't wanna close my eyes, i don't wanna fall asleep, cox i miss you.. (i can't help)
and i don't wanna miss a thing.
lie close to you feeling your heart beating is a desire.. (can i?)
and im wondering what your dreaming, wondering if its me you're seeing..( i doubt so)
i just wanna stay with you in this moment for the rest of the time FOREVER
i don't wanna miss one smile, i don't wanna miss one kiss(i missed everything)
i just wanna be with you right here, just like this.(im contented)
i just wanna hold you close and feel your heart so close to mine.(impossible)

2010-06-17T15:01:00.000+08:00

back ache injury is bad today.
i can't arch much.
i didn't do my job well either.
im sorry ben.. i didn't mean to remind you about her.
im sorry ker.. i cannot meet you today.
im sorry hw.. made you lost sleeping time.

2010-06-17T14:58:00.000+08:00

im no longer one of precious.
stay happy with whoever you love.
pray you'll get well soon.
promises are only for you.
i'll be there.

2010-06-12T03:05:00.000+08:00

im still awake! I can't slp.. Im waiting for baby to get home safe and reply my text... (: but..... aiyah.. Nvm...

She's the one i need and love..(:
I love you skinny..
I'll be as skinny in one months time..
:D hugs...

2010-06-11T22:44:00.000+08:00

oh i... Had alot to say.. Was thinking wasting my time again.. This time, i think im to blame.. Its harder to get through the days. Cox everything inside, will never comes out right. Im sorry im bad. Im sorry about all the things i've said to you and I know i can't take it back. I love all yr kisses i love all yr sounds and baby the way you make my world go round. i just wanted to say im sorry.. Im sorry babyy.. Every single day, i think about how we came all this way. The sleepless nights and the tears you cried. Its never too late to make it right..

2010-06-11T22:24:00.000+08:00

im happy when you are.
you light up my life.
But unfortunately, it can no longer be as bright as the past.
Didn't went club today.. enjoyed my class outing totally.. Bonded with the entire class. Had water fun with pretty girls. Haha.. It was fabulous.. Thanks ppl for the nice and delicious food with those fun all around marina barage.. Hahah..
Im wrong. And i hate this this feeling coming by...

2010-06-09T16:14:00.000+08:00

Sesame street presents the word of the day...

PRETEND!