backache, heartache, headache, muscleache, tummyache.. what else?? bring it on.. im facing attitudes of life okay?

i officially announced myself away from pain next week.
im trying to focus on studies but im not getting anywhere. shall bathe after i blog and head down to starbucks and start mugging alone..

i don't mind being alone now seriously speaking.. becox ytd night was smth i tide through myself. im weak yes.. weak all over... i have no support from my extreme loved ones. but at least im doing my job fufilling yr wish. love isn't about telling, jealousy floods in sometimes but i swallowed it, anger and nonsensical irritation that i throw is ridiculous but i gave it becox i want yr attention badly, caring and concern are all i can give but i didn't wanna continue supply them too much after realising you were actually self-centered. perhaps its fate, probably its crash of characters. but whatever it is. i did a wise decision this time round.. i don't mind crashing all by myself. loving can by done by another way. my solution is stated clear. i make my leave, you'll catch yr breathe for your next love(: i have no idea how you've felt lately... but im sure that whatever you told me that night was nth but the truth.. no doubt you feel happy leaving, relieved im gone for goood finally, having bad thoughts, making yourself busy, feeling upset, greiving, numb in a way you just wanna ignore everything, no doubt all these feelings, any which of them, i just want to say... you choose wether you want to or not..

a break up was what i initiated, the reason why i didn't let go becox you didn't give me yr consent.. love is about both.. i can initiate a thousand times of break ups, but if you don't agree, we are not over.. its like a contract signing on both ways..
we didn't talk for 24hrs officially.. probably silly fools were waiting for one anothers text.. or perhaps we just wanna stop contacting.

im making my stand here.. i was waiting.. not a miricale but yr name on my inbox again.. thought about yr words last night.. why compared you to the past.. fair enough.. comparision is nth but additional harm. i now hereby believed and convinced myself fully that the past of you was excellence but only lasted for a short time limited. not of cox forgetting about blaming myself for treating you in that manner else wise you wouldn;t have changed. few days back on 28 i bought you a ring.. reason being why is becox i was proud of the present gf i had, telling me no one else could replace me for her love.. no one.. her love to me was deep and extrodinary.. sacrificing every single part of her life for me.. surprisingly, i was a bad gf which i said from the very start. she's a good gf whom i never deserved willing to stay by no matter how bad i am.. from having an affair back then to dissappointing her to making her out of love.. seriously speaking.. im happy for not tortuting her anymore.. im happy about she's happy right now.. im happy that she can squeeze out a smile no matter how upset she was.. (: good job girl.. im proud to have had you once for 6 months.. though we had those drama, but every single day, you made me change to become a better person, not self-centered, not drug addict, not womanizer, not materalistic as compared, controlling my temper..you made me also remind myself that when tears drops by, it means i still care.. (: i love you for who you are. no matter how much i mean to you.. my love is true... thank you for being there as much as you can every single min when i needed you.. (:

Labels: i just wanna wake you up and tell you i love you..