woke up by mom's call, grandfather fell, wore boxers and shirt down to take a look. den it rained.. so hardly can bring him to clinic.. wanted to call ambulance but grandma quit the call. went to doctor with grandpa on wheel chair under the rain.. its damn cold i swear.. den he refused to see the doctor.. he attempted to tear away the refer letter because the doc gave him a refer letter to go NUH.. he had blood clot on his right head, some burises.. its smth serious becox he hit his head on the fridge and there was a dent.. a palm size dent.. its scared that blood stained on it.. den went hospital, waited like hell long for 7 hours? i was shivering in that room and when i went out, worst. so at first he insisted not to be hospitalised, den ask aunt to come down.. he listens to that aunt the most.. so came down, pesify him.. den he agreed.. :S after that.. aunt talked to me.. we had a talk.. told me many things.. den came home..
took tempt, had fever. 38.6. bet it was the rain and cold.
luke: get well soon from that high fever.. (: your mummy loves you..
Granny: take good care of your health...
Grandma: don't catch a cold anymore...
Dad: what do you want from me? can you be more understanding? had enough of your damn fucked up atttitude. i don't deserve this. i wanted to visit you and yet you threw that attitude face to me.. think about how i feel? tolerated you alright.

aunt was right.. what is wrong with me? im gonna love myself more from now on. im gonna get a job.. a dishwasher or coffeshop helper doesnt mind either. as long as i have income can already.

take your acts away. i don't need actors. show me what you really want. you know i've changed, i proved on both actions and words. i know you need time. but thought about still keeping your promises at the same time? being there for me when i needed you no matter what? if your feelings fade, let it fade. don't force yrself to pull it back. becox you'll end up with unhappy feelings. if it hadn't, please tell me so, just so you know, i've changed for good. if i were ever gonna treat you bad or hurt you like the past, i'll be struck by lightning and die for good. don't leave me alone on this battlefield. don't lie to me. don't be unhappy with me around. (i lost my life once, i know what it is like to treasure things, if you believe me, believe that i love you truely) i have no idea what you are thinking. but i suffered enough. i've learnt my lesson. im appreciating everything around me. no longer arrogant nor taking things for granted nor even doing things that i insist without thinking. im a new person.. accept me as one.

Labels: promises are meant to be broken when we are broken? thats how you feel.