i was walking on the streets at the backyard and then i saw a lady sitting down by the steps of the road. she was tipsy and crying.. before i even approached her, i saw her wrist bleeding.. i tried to grab her arm and compress on her open wound to stop bleeding.. she did not show any expression of pain.. she seems numb.. i felt sad out of a sudden.. suddenly she tilted her head up and looked into my eyes with tears rolling down her checks..

"what hurts the most is, waiting for someone whom you know will never ever be returning back."

i kneeled down and told her i might be in the same situaiton. but i was numbed long ago.



i forced myself to move, i forced myself to accept others, i forced myself to drop all my feelings. i went numb. i knew it clearly.. i just refuse to admit.. now what? i can't feel a thing.. so what if i want to develop some feelings, i can't! im trying as hard as i can. or did i tried the wrong way? who the fuck am i? what am i doing? i dropped my tears and told myself to stop love since that day. you know me well. but u doubted me. i was true. ever since i dropped feelings aside, i was told to be useless. ask me what i am thinking now and i will reply, i feel like going to the beach side. i can be alone. but works better with you beside.

Labels: i would not let go of you if i have a choice.